.... is like Matrix Reloaded .... I try since about two weeks to restart my normal training sessions. It does not work out.
After a crazy race season - 3 races in 8 days: Olympic distance on 30th of August, Ironman 70.3 Zell am See on 31st of August, full Ironman Austria on 6th of September & the half ironman distance Eisenman Litschau on 9th of August - I decided to stop any kind of training for four weeks.
Mid of October should have been the restart of winter trainig for next year.
But .... it started the history about finding a rent house and the entire stress involved. As everything in my life is connected through emotions, I was not able to do all the things in the same time. Waiting one week for the meeting with the apartment owner, then waiting a whole week-end for his reply, then the new meeting, the paper work and the packing, transporting everything on my own from the 3rd level to the car and from the car to the 2nd level ... crazy indeed. A lot of work, a lot of emotions, about 125 km driving between the two locations - the old room and the new apartment -, then the joy of unpacking everything, finding the right place in the house and designing a little bit, looking for some furniture pieces. Emotions, emotions ....
Finally, as I thought everything could be calm again, a few days after I moved, some strange pains started.
OK, ignore & delete.
But no .... then some unexpected stress related to the job appeared from the sky ...
And so on, no training, no mood, no nothing ....
Last week-end I did nothing. I tried to run, but it was a sort of running-walking-taking pictures around, about 10 km in longer than one hour and half!!
The big issue is now that, every single day without training is like a huge frustration for me.
So, on Friday I was crazy enough to bike in the rain for 34 km, the Danube Island from the mid of it to the south end and then to the north end of it. Nobody was cycling on that ugly weather. Nobody, but myself!
Today, in the morning, I went to the office by car and I decided to come home running.
And I did it!!! 12,5 km!! Ten km on the Danube Island, in the dark, by myself, no fucking anybody around, just me and my odd fear!
I left behind all the city lights and I started to run in the wildness. Because the Danube Island is, without any lights, a wild area of about 22 km long.
But I did it!
Here, do you see? I am here, hellooooo .... Don't you see me?
So, after the first 9 km, when I reached the illuminated bridge ... wow, WOW!!! What a relief for me, really!!!! Lights, I can see, hurrraaaa, look, these are my feet .... one, two, three, four ..... the toes .... all mine ... I am me, entire me!!!!
But - and it is not for the first time I remark this - due to the fear running through a dark wildness, I run faster!!! 10 km in one hour after doing almost anything since first week of September ... is a very good time for me!!!
So, my stomach got back to his place, leaving the esophagus and I relaxed again ... after one hour of emotions and a sort of fear which I cannot really describe .... now I feel safe again :-)