You should never want something/anything or somebody/anybody so badly, that not getting it, you feel like you want to die or you even commit suicide because of not getting it! Does not matter what in life!
A closed door is always an open window. A refuse is a message, it always let you know that you have to look in a different direction. A refuse means always something, does not matter how desperate you are!
There is an amazing thin balance between to act in order to get something and to understand that not getting it, is not the end of world or the end of your world/life and it really means something, mainly better for you on long term.
When you are blocked and blocked again and cannot see any sense, any light, any perspective, any chances, any changes ..... keep the belief that everything changes, no matter what .... take the wave then, be prepared!
Let The Yesterday in the past, let the moon disapear if necessary ... climb out from the cold dark waters and stay on the rocks for a while ....
Looking behind is good if you stay there just for a short while. The past teaches you to appreciate the present. If you are a truly idiot, you are not able to appreciate anything at all.