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Mittwoch, 24. Dezember 2014

2014 - again, about Christmas Eve Spirit

Almost the same as in December 2012 and December 2013:

Christmas Eve, Christmas time, Christmas spirit …. 
is the strongest spiritual time of the entire year. It always was. At least for myself. I always remember about the Christmas times I spent in Germany, five years. I always remember about the quiet and isolation of my parental home, about my lonely and passionate mother. About the years we could be together, but we wasn’t. About the years I was in love and shared the time giving my soul out of myself. I never think about special gifts as material objects. My mother worked her back out to care about me having nice objects for Christmas, Easter, birthdays, but she was too preoccupied about it and forgot to give us her feelings, her soul, her love which cannot be touched, but felt .... I think about facts, people, feelings, stories, Stollen und Plätzchen.
I never think about special gifts, as goods. Only maybe about the years when I played the big and rich Santa Claus for people who couldn’t afford the joy of giving their children the special Christmas stuff. I tried to offer the joy and then the objects. The children are children, they appreciate gifts as goods. We have to grow up, to face the real life, to suffer, to lose and to realize that the real Christmas Spirit is not necessarily a material valuable object, but more the abstract things which touch the soul and the mind. 
I don’t need to spend more money for special food, I don’t need to eat more or to drink more. This is a valuable lesson I have learned for some years ago. 
What I enjoyed most for Christmas was always to share and to offer without expecting  a payback, but a minimum of feedback, the expressed joy :-)
If I cannot do this anymore, the Christmas is a little bit poorer, I have to admitt it. And this year I miss this too, although I offered several small gifts. But something is still missing.

I miss the poor, but happy Christmas Eve in the remote areas of Himalaya, in 2008 and in 2010. 
But, no doubts, not so strong as I did last year :-)
From all my Christmas experiences (I spent this time of the year in Brasov, Maramures, Malta, Salzburg, Tanzania, Freiburg/Germany, Frankfurt am Main/Germany, Kassel/Germany, Norway, Paris, Zell am See/Austria, St. Moritz/Swiss, Saas-Fee& Zermatt/Swiss), what I miss tonight is the time in the remote high Himalaya. Just look at my happy face here :-), Dhole, 24.12.2010.

Of course I think about people .... some people ....
My probably oldest male friend in Bucharest - we met first time 28 years ago - lives in a pretty strange situation (like last year too), far away from his small child and his wife, alone and lonely, in miserable conditions, being not able or willing not to find the right communication channel to his family and rejecting all kind of helping hands ....
About other friends I left back in Bucharest .... I have no real news from them. We do not communicate, because they are too busy ... yeh .... story of my life.
About myself: 
I am in Austria. 8 months .... Yes, this year I changed everything in my life: place, work, people, customs, language, food, habits. Difficult crazy year. Too much for me. I am tired. But happy. I am almost there where I wanted to be and the big stuff is that I am here not because I accepted compromises or I slept with the chief, but because I did not stop to believe in my feeling, in my dream, in my premonitions, in my belonging, so I did not stop to act for reaching my dream. Poor, in debts, but more relaxed. Many people think that if you ”live abroad”, in countries like Austria, Germany, France, Swiss etc. all your financial problems disappear ..... wrong!
 Somehow .... I can talk about a sort of fatidical tradition which appears exactly in December ... I wonder why. In December I suddenly break relationships to people I was not suppose to disconnect ...... I cannot explain this.

Yes, money are - unfortunately - the entire engine for “a happy life”, in this society. And for a ”happy Christmas”, in this context. It is 24th of December, so we talk about Christmas.
This is why …. I miss the high remote areas of Himalayas, where the values are still so different and the life means a different way of fighting. Because, even if the word fight doesn’t suit here, the true is that the human being is struggling to live and survive …. 25 years ago we had so different worries, being on the streets and facing the bloody streets war in Bucharest .... 

What I wish for Christmas?

That the people (including myself) learn to communicate better, 
to manage more carefully this fake life on internet (Facebook, for instant), 
to listen more (carefully), 
to appreciate more, 
to understand more, 
to protect more, 
to offer more - not only for Christmas and not only for their own public image -
to become deeper in thoughts,
to value the older people,
to value the impact of the details in their actions.

What I wish myself for Christmas? 
To keep the right path, 
to stay fit and healthy as I am (not anymore) since a short while, 
to love and to be loved, 
to find the solutions for some specific issues in my life, 
to communicate better, 
to dare knowing people 
to be able to spend my next Christmas far away in the high Himalayas. 
I wish to keep what I have and do better :-)
People should learn again to protect the nature, not only to make use of it (keep healthy what keeps you healthy!),
we should learn to manufacture small gifts, not to go shopping and spend a lot of money, 
to recycle goods and materials,
to appreciate others efforts and intentions,
to show respect for the life and for the world. Yes, I know, the words are so empty here .... a lot of words for no message.
 I try to become a better person. Much more than I consider to be. I look back and analyze my mistakes. I do mistakes, I hurt people, but I get everything paid back (!).

I dislike living at the financial limit, as I have to do again since about seven years for now, 
but I enjoy 
being healthy, 
having a job and 
finding the power of hopping in a big new good luck, 
because ....... the life is all about some good luck after all!

Merry Christmas to everyone!
December 2014, in Vienna (and not as tourist :-))
Merry Christmas to everybody who cares!
And my cat find finally his inner peaceful on Christmas music .... 

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