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Freitag, 16. Oktober 2020

Vibrations in all means .... balance of a crazy year

After my injury back in March 2020, I have experienced a large range of pains, emotions, phantom pains.

On my last downhill on 7th of March along a grey winter day on the slopes of The Schmitten in Zell am See, Austria I saw me falling. About three km away from the cable lift. I wasn't able to stand on myself. The left leg was damaged for sure as it was oriented in a curious direction. I mentally started to work on it at the moment of fall as the first reaction: Everything is OK, everything is OK, no bones fractured. The knee is OK, the knee is OK, the knee is OK, the knee is ..... knee ....
I was helped to stand on my feet again. The feet stood on the skies. I said, "It's OK, I can finish the downhill." And I did it. I arrived down in the valley and I slowly walked back home for about one km more. Mentally work: "Everything is OK, I do not feel any serious damage.
The swallow knee and the pains came next day.
Living on the third floor without lift proved to become a challenge. I was a prisoner in the flat for entire two days and nights. Big pains, no pain killers took. 
From the door of my flat until the entrance door of the building are 52 steps. In the third day of the accident, I decided to take a try. Four and a half minutes to get down. About three minutes to go back again. I did it twice on that day. The goal was to bring some movement in the articulation and to develop the synovia inside of it. It was good.
Then I started to go out and walk. On the 12th of March, I decided to pay a visit to a doctor and so after some hospital investigations it was clear: anterior cruciate ligament and lateral ligament tear. That was the reason for the insistent swallow and pains. I got an orthosis for the left leg covering the knee and being obliged to keep it stable. I was crazy enough to walk the six km from the hospital back to my home.
The surgeon told me to stay quiet until the healing. Due to her, I was allowed to do short walks, but anything else. 
I have enough anatomy books and a skeleton at home and I am pretty fascinated about our body the inner healing power so that I intensively studied the anatomy of the knee. This was the first detailed draw of a part of my body that needed attention, care and healing.
As I already knew that drawing is a very particular and strong way to meditate and enter different worlds I spend many hours with this activity. The entire hysteria with COVID was already spread out in the world and I had the privilege to live almost in a remote area inside a natural reservation. So my life was focused on healing by doing, trying, experimenting. Every single day out walking those "short routes" for one to three hours and then I used to walk every single day for 10-11 km. The thought of an operation or the thought to go back to the medical system at this moment when everything was closed and locked down didn't fit in my understanding ability.
More detailed drawings of the knee followed. This means more and more hours spent on the healing as the brain is going somewhere deep into the subconsciousness. 
Then I really drawn the healed ligaments involved in a sensual dance ....

The entire process took time, but I had the time. I, fortunately, had the time and during those months the entire planet had The Time to heal. (detailed description on this blog back on the month of March, in Romanian language only).
Of course, comparing my level of activity before the accident and the months after the injury my whole body suffered under a hudge lack of movement so that I put some extra weight on, about seven kg. All of them around the stomach area, on the hips and the upper side of my legs. My entire fat reserves seemed to find on this generous area the best place. And it will take about six to eight months to go back on my optimal weight of 58-59.
Flying - it was for sure a risky and a bit painful experiment at exactly three months 
after the injury: 7th of June 2020 in a very cold, grey and windy day

The healing process was the Journey of this year, for sure. I combined all elements I knew along the last years: meditation, fitness exercises, music, trance, dance, observation, massage, baths and affirmations. A healing process is a life style you adopt when you need it. And this changes your life. It is difficult to go back where you were before point A in your life.
Fact is that from an emotional point of view I crossed thousands of kilometres. The range of emotions is overwhelming especially when you live as I live as a place and state of mind and even social state. Some would say that this is the hard way of things. I say that this was in my case the blessing of life. Because I don't know another one (family, close friends).
On the 21st of March, I took the risks and went cycling. It was a marvellous day. Five hours of emotions through this empty landscape. Vibrational emotions deep through all cells of the body. I was wearing the orthosis under the pants. BUT: I felt free and I knew I will be what I was before the accident and even better.
Mid of May I even was able to do such of things getting back the stability on my left knee.
To do the long story shorter:
I walked, ran, cycled and lived for about three month "after the partial healing" with a wooden feeling in the leg and phantom-pains even in the night. This made me to try again and again and to insist on experimenting. Going higher, going steeper, going deeper, going wider, going longer.
Mid of June I did a longer hike with a larger group, we climbed Daniel's Peak in Zugsitz Arena close to Germany. 
Mid of September I offered myself an ultimate gift and climbed the Imbachhorn here in Zell am See, ten km up to the peak and 13 km downhill. A challenging hike and partial trail running. The wooden feeling in the leg came after about 19 km and this was fucking good!! It didn't appear after five or seven kilometres but after 19!!
So, today I can say I am 99% healed and remembering the last six months I feel vibrations in all deeps of myself. What an unexpected strong year, my Gosh!!!
Fact is: it is said, we are nothing else than energy fields in very fast movement. We are VIBRATIONS, a hudge spectrum of vibrations. We vibrate our cells when we run, when we do mountain bike, when we cry. We are vibrations but at the same time our organs have to stay in place and to do their work. 
I have read about the Whole Body Vibration Therapy and I try to find out for myself if this is a good or a not so good thing for our body. I am keen to understand if all these "fitness platforms" as WBV-machines are another damaging tools made for money as so many of running shoes are (deforming the natural walk style and separating the body from the true nature of Being and Health).
Until I will get smarter on this new field I will go on with the fascination for Life itself, for the Healing as individual skill. We will never understand our true nature. We will never understand how emotions are formed and where. We will never understand us and so long we are not able to understand us we will suffer. Endless and to the end of time. Because there is no time...... 

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