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Mittwoch, 3. Juni 2020

I found my heart on the bottom of the lake .......

Decisions .... 
my mind aches already and my heart strongly beats ......
one year ago, two years ago, three years ago, four years ago I would have given 
anything for having this occurred situation to chose between two offers and now 
I have such an almost painful emotion because I simply can't figure it out what to chose ...
But things are moving. So after the long phone call from Kitzbühel talking about 
the contractual terms and then after the 2nd meeting with the other, offerer 
(a different part of the story) I decided to take a round of the lake. 
Such a beautiful day, just a little bit windy, but still very warm at 6 a.m. 
I reached one of my lovely spots on the shore just on the opposite side 
of my place of living. Theoretically, from here I could watch inside my flat. 
But I watch the Imbachhorn Peak which I see from the windows of my flat. 
A small group of four ladies were doing core exercises on the grass. 
Ducks were flying and playing on the lake.
People were walking all over.
And I couldn't stop to take some pictures. Again. 
The water temperature around 15-16°C, not too bad for a swim actually. 

 I adore life on the lake. I observe the ducks, the swans and the other birds. 
They are very funny, so beautiful. You can see the aggressivity in their life because it is not about playing, but fighting for sex mostly. Men are aggressive. They want "their natural right" to fuck the lady!! And the lady doesn't want when the man wants. Or not all the ladies are willing. We find this funny, but actually, it is aggressive. Anyway, animals or birds don't have such a long memory as we do. It happens something and it is forgotten 
after a few minutes so that the quiet life returns very fast. They don't keep angry.
I went through the refreshing water some steps away and I found this amazing stone .........
 The perfect heart! 
A stone, but a beautiful heart! 
Yes, but a stone ......
I couldn't stop to let it there in the mud on the bottom of the lake. 
Heavy on hand. I took it home. I made it mine.
My heart ...... from stone ...... but a perfect heart-shaped stone ......
Silence on the Glacier of Kitzsteinhorn.

A few days ago as it was clear the "moment of the final decision" in this matter 
of choosing a piece of my future will come, a thought crossed my mind like a light 
through the dark storm in a black night: "Me being able to stay and thrive here is my child!
Many will not understand what I mean, but who cares? It is important to me. 
We have to change perspectives about life, about a situation, about an issue, 
about a relationship and about pretty everything if we want to meet a fairly right 
decision at a certain point in life. 
Sometimes a decision means your life forever. Sometimes a decision is just a curve, 
an End or a Start of something that was your Destiny anyway and you have no idea about it.
I checked my heart (emotion, feelings) and I checked my brain (rationality, analysis, arguments). I tried to establish coherence between these organs and the stomach. 
It seems to be not too easy. In the end, I have 
no idea how I choose in this particular 
life situation, but I have to decide whatever it will be to be. 

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